My dearest Aiden, Mommy loves you so much my sweet precious angel. We may have only had you for a short 16 weeks but our love for you will last more than a lifetime until we meet again someday in the next life. I remember the day daddy and I found out you were going to bless our life it was Valentine’s Day. We had plans to go to the Regatta for dinner and were so excited to celebrate our love and that our love had created such a precious life. We went out to celebrate that night with big smiles on our faces knowing our little secret and being so very scared yet happy all at the same time. Your Uncle Cody came to our table that night and visited with us, he wanted to buy us drinks and we both declined smiling at each other knowing our little secret. Daddy and I were so scared we would lose you those first few weeks that we kept you a secret not because we were ashamed but because we wanted you for ourselves. We finally decided to tell your brothers and sisters as well as your grandparents and everyone was so very happy. My only regret is not telling your Uncle Cody about you, I wonder if maybe it could have made a difference maybe he would still be here. We were so determined you were going to thrive and be healthy and let me tell you my darling boy your daddy made mommy nuts not letting her do anything and always having to watch over her (yes your daddy loves us both that much my little Aiden). We were so focused on getting you big and strong that it consumed our lives until that terrible day we got the phone call that your wonderful Uncle Cody was gone. Your poor daddy he grieved his twin and worried over your health so much. You became our beacon of hope my little man, you were our light in the darkness of those days. Not only for mommy and daddy but for everyone in the family, everyone loved you so much already. Everyone worried over you so much during that time but you’re such a strong little guy you just kept growing and getting bigger and stronger. Mommy started to feel those little flutters letting her know just how big and strong you were growing. Mommy and daddy talked with you and told you our thoughts and dreams, we walked with you at the lake and told you how we would bring you there one day to play in the sand and enjoy the park. We made plans so many plans for you my little angel. Time moved forward and you continued to grow and we were so certain you would join us in this world, your big sister made plans to take you everywhere with her and spoil you rotten even though mommy told her no no. Everyone was excited you were our miracle and you meant the whole world to a whole lot of people my little one. We said goodbye to your big sister Amber and your nieces and nephew on Thursday and we were all so sad. As I lay in bed that night I rubbed my tummy and thanked God for giving me you, for blessing me with such a miracle. Little did I know my little love that God had already taken you from me. Friday was to be the big day we were going to the doctor and going to hear your little heart beating away and Daddy and I just couldn’t wait to leave. We went into that little room with big smiles on our faces just knowing you were safe and growing big and strong. Then the nurse couldn’t find your heartbeat and mommy knew Aiden I knew you were gone from me but Daddy and the nurse weren’t ready to give up. They took mommy in to take pictures of you through my tummy so they could see your little heart….it had stopped and you were gone my little boy my little angel was gone. Our hearts were left in pieces as we stared at the screen knowing even before the doctor told us that you were gone. How? Why? Who was to blame was it mommy? Was it God? Why did your little heart just stop? The doctor told mommy and daddy we had to let you go you had passed on to the next life and would never take your first breath. Mommy and daddy didn’t want to let you go it wasn’t fair why were you taken from us so soon…too soon? Mommy brought you into this world at 7:45 pm Friday night and you were beautiful my little man already so big and strong and looking so much like your daddy. You may have only grown for 16 short weeks but already you were 5 ½ inches long and 2 ounces, my love you had 10 little perfect fingers and 10 little perfect toes and we wanted to keep you and hold you forever. Handing you to that nurse knowing I would never see your sweet little face again wasn’t easy for mommy and daddy but we did what we had too. We picked up your sweet remains on Sunday and you are with mommy and daddy and your brothers and sisters and we will never let you go. Mommy loves you so much my sweet boy and I have so many unanswered questions and so much anger that you’re gone. Mommy is trying so hard to let that anger go…to not become bitter….to not lose faith. Its hard Aiden but mommy is going to do it for you….I’m going to find a way to come to peace with this so I can restore my faith in God and see you again someday. I know you’re in heaven with your Uncle Cody, Aunt Pam, Grandpa, Mom Mom, and Poppy and I know they will all take good care of you until I can hold you in my arms again. I wish you were still here but I know I have to find a way to let you go and find my way back to faith. That’s my promise to you my sweet boy some way and some how mommy will find a way to forgive God and herself and join you some day. Never forget how very much you were loved Aiden Ryan LaFleur by so very many people. Please watch over your mommy and daddy we still need you so very much. With all my love, Mommy